A Mouse in the House

Last night Kelly and I spent an exciting evening evicting a mouse from under our refrigerator. You see, he wasn't paying rent, was eating Heidi's food, and kept using up all of the hot water in the morning during his shower. Basically he was a total freeloader. He didn't do anything except maybe gather a few dustbunnies from off the floor. He even caused a little damage to his compartment under the fridge, gnawing the plastic coating off the ground wires to the fridge and what not. He could have been helping around the house using said dustbunnies to add insulation to known drafty areas. He could have helped me rewire the house for surround sound without making to many holes. But no, he just ate, slept in and watched Mickey Mouse on our TiVo ( I had been wondering who kept recording that). If he had just done his share around the house we may have not had to give him the boot but he just wasn't pulling is weight around here.
Therefore last night using several highly advanced trapping procedures including:

vacuum cleaner
high pitched screaming (admittedly from all parties involved)
trained mouse detecting dog
non conductive mouse poking stick (because of the bare wires)
forefoot soccer pass towards the door
and finally the most successful,
the broomhockey mouse slapshot

we were forced to evict him from his humble flat below the refrigerator and return him to his wild ways
among the johnson grass and sagebrush.

Mr. Mouse left the house with more than likely a mild concussion, but may have survived as I threw him what looked to be a rather homey bush in the field across from my house. My theory behind not terminating this little mouse lies behind the fact that I realize his native habitat is dwindling and if I had a choice I would probably take my chances too (AC, good dog food, no birds of prey, etc). I also feel that just like when Batman took people to and from his cave they were usually knocked out so they wouldn't know how to get there, Mr. Mouse was in a similar state when he left and hopefully won't know how to come back, because if he does . . . let's just say I won't be so kind.